I did it!

Okay, freaking out here. No support from DH either. But I made the appointment with Dr. Chung. I swear it is all this research I am doing on embryo donation for an upcoming AFA conference in NYC that I am speaking at. The more I read about embryo donation, the more I want to try it. And that is NOT to say that I am not considering every available means (except traditional IVF -- and how weird is it that there is such a term as traditional IVF? LOL!) of family building that would utilize my uterus. And that is NOT to say that this is a decision that will be made right around the corner, in fact any future babies coming to this family are a couple of years down the road (maybe sooner?) . . . but it was a HUGE step for me to actually make the appointment. Now to see what he says!

And the best thing about it . . . they've moved offices so no more of that big bad ugly mean old waiting room (formerly known as the "big room"). Maybe there will be better family building karma for me in Cornell's knew offices?????

AM I CRAZY TO BE DOING THIS?

I want to have another baby!

And I am back in the beginning. Evaluating the infertility terrain, thinking through my options. I know so much more now than I did way back when . . . before the books, before my law practice . . . but surprisingly the feelings haven't changed. Maybe there is a little less desperation but not much. That same fear about the "what ifs?" and the "what if it doesn't work" . . . they still haunt me.

I think a lot of this has been brought on my plans to do the first revised edition of The Infertility Survival Handbook and the thought that going back into treatment for my third and last baby would be an amazing tie-in for the new edition . . . but is that a reason to open up wounds that I had maybe finally started to let scab over? And why am I so hell-bent on treatment for a third baby. Why not adopt again?

And what about the big question . . . why haven't I made that appointment with Dr. Chung if I am so serious about possibly pursuing having a third child through assisted reproductive technology. I don't get why I am hesitating so much.