And I am back in the beginning. Evaluating the infertility terrain, thinking through my options. I know so much more now than I did way back when . . . before the books, before my law practice . . . but surprisingly the feelings haven't changed. Maybe there is a little less desperation but not much. That same fear about the "what ifs?" and the "what if it doesn't work" . . . they still haunt me.
I think a lot of this has been brought on my plans to do the first revised edition of The Infertility Survival Handbook and the thought that going back into treatment for my third and last baby would be an amazing tie-in for the new edition . . . but is that a reason to open up wounds that I had maybe finally started to let scab over? And why am I so hell-bent on treatment for a third baby. Why not adopt again?
And what about the big question . . . why haven't I made that appointment with Dr. Chung if I am so serious about possibly pursuing having a third child through assisted reproductive technology. I don't get why I am hesitating so much.